Friday, December 31, 2010

Neglect and New Years

It's been a while since I've posted anything here, and I must admit, I've been pretty lazy concerning updating my blogs (this ain't my only blog). I guess I'll talk about today being new years eve, and my feelings concerning this holiday.
It kinda sucks, when I used dope, I often found myself withdrawing from society. I guess I did it because I was always ashamed of my addiction, and I was afraid the more I was around people the more obvious my drug problem was... Not that you couldn't tell something was up if you simply looking at my pasty pale green face.
Now that I'm sober, that social neglect has come to bite me in the ass. I have nothing to do tonight, and I'm really working on making myself ok with it. Admittedly, I'm pretty bummed out, but then again, I know if I'm out, I'm basically going to wish I was home. Also, really, it's just another day, and to be frank, for ten years, I partied everyday. It's about time I took a break from "partying", and allowed myself to enjoy some much needed solitude. On top of all of this, I have my next big show in less than a month and a half. If I want to get this done, I need to seriously use the rest of my time on my show.
On top of this, lately my inner junky has been trying to convince me that I can get away with partying at least once "cmon Luke, it's NYE, let go and celebrate." And I have to keep arguing with myself that it's literally impossible for me to just take 'one hit' and let go of it. That I have tried this over and over with the exact same results, once I start I can't stop. Fortunately this week my probation officer contacted my methadone clinic and now I'm testing 3 times a month. This leaves very little room for me to fuck up (unless I'm ok with going to jail).
Anyways, that's all for now. The results from my prune tasting competition will be coming up soon, along with more of my daily struggles.
Happy new year.

1 comment:

  1. good. don't do it. NYE is never that great anyways, just FYI. the hype is always amazing, and the concept of it, etc. but it's just one over-crowded, very chilly, lame-ish party.
    i went out, but was happy when i got to go home and sleep!